Autobiography of Two Broke Chicks

We're just two college girls looking to have a good time.
In the KITCHEN. God, get your mind out of the gutter. This is not a sex blog (yet).
After moving to DC to attend American University, we quickly discovered this is a FUCKING expensive place to live. We can't afford to go out all the time! American is too far away from downtown to an affair with a senator. We also live in a ridiculously residential section of the city, and can't really knock on our neighbor's door if were looking for a hot place to go out.
So, to amuse ourselves, we decided to start cooking. Now, I'm not talking pussy shit like "kraft mac n cheese" or adding "a little bit of sriracha to our ramen noodles". We started taking big trips to the grocery store and stacking up on bulk meats, canned vegetables, spices and eggs. It was a tough initial investment, it was- so we did it in the beginning of the semester when our parents could buy it. These are the staples you NEED Bob and Nancy (what I'm guessing your parent's names are) to buy you to lead a Bored and Broke lifestyle. And you want to lead a Bored and Broke lifestyle.


Things that will last you a while... over a WHOLE year. You'll be eating this shit after the apocalypse.


-black beans in a can or in a bag
-apple sauce
-butter
-garbanzo beans in a can or in a bag
-BIG bag of onions
-canned corn
-canned diced tomatoes
-potatoes
-sriracha
-soy sauce
-garlic
-basil
-curry powder
-gahram masala
-flower
-rice, brown and white
-lentils
-olive oil
-canola oil
-cilantro
-pepper
-salt
-sugar
-brown sugar
-honey (steal it if you can't afford it)
-lemon juice
-bread (buy three loaves and freeze two, its worth it)
- buy BULK meats, at least 3 times larger than you would make for one meal, and freeze most of it after cutting it up into the sizes you will want when you cook it. Buy some glad freezer bags and freeze those babies up after pushing out all the air. I like buying it when it's on sale because you can save a SHIT TON of money and bask in the feeling that you cheated the store out of a few bucks.




Things that won't last you more than two weeks


-yogurt
-milk
-eggs
-vegetables (whatever you want, they're all great. You can also buy them when they're on sale, chop them up, and freeze them).


Appliances
- go to a thrift store (be a hipster for a second) and buy a 5 dollar crock pot. This will be the best investment of your LIFE. It's ok, you will be ridiculed by some. My mom made fun of me for two weeks. And then I made chili. Not to toot my own horn or anything but
Minds. Blown.
Toot toot.
- pan
-pot (both kinds) and maybe a BIIIIIIGGGGG pot that maybe keeps disappearing from your friend's apartment.
- blender or mini food processor. This includes the magic bullet.
- hand mixer. 7 bucks. Almost as great as the crock pot.
- big bowls
-baking sheet, brownie tin


Here is how we are going to give you the recipes. We'll give it to you straight up- ingredients on top, recipe on the bottom. BUT, at the same time, we're going to basically be giving you THREE recipes in one, because we're fucking awesome like that. We will give you
1) a BROKE version of the recipe, because even if you feel like you're rolling in dough, you should still try to save some money on the meal and spend it on better things, like vodka.
2)  a BORED version of the recipe, in case you feel like spending all day in your apartment just listening to some Pink Ffloyd and using your burner as a lighter.
3)  EATIN HEALTHY IS HIP, YO
Oh hey everyone. Let's talk about eating healthy. We are first going Paula Dean on you, and skipping the gluttony sin version of eating. It's going to be fucking delicious, no doubt. But, if some of you, like some of us, have some fucking shitty genes, then sometimes you don't have any choice but to eat healthy. Because I don't want to be my senile grandfather in sixty years. So, after the buttery, deep-fried, cream-filled, caramelized version of the recipes we make, we are gonna give you the stripped-down but more nutritious and equally as dank delicious as the first time version.


Alright, let's get started.